Teach Your Kids Online Social Manners, 10 Tips

It’s that time of year when parents and teenagers eagerly wait for college acceptance letters. Even with the recession, there’s lots of competition to get into the top private schools, as well as the state-subsidized university systems.

Being a digital guy, it’s hard for me not to ponder if (and how much) the admissions experts are looking into the students online social media profiles as part of the evaluation process.

Last year WSJ ran an article warning students about their Facebook pages. USAToday recently did an article with some interesting data on the effects Facebook is having on the college admissions process.

Below is what they found:

• 86% of students have Facebook accounts, according to Harvard University
• 13% of the 401 admission officials surveyed in 2009 have a policy on how to deal with social networking sites related to admissions activities
• There are murky legal, ethical, and privacy issues related to social media and admissions, so academics are hesitant to use any information they find online
• Kaplan surveyed 401 schools in 2009 and only 9% looked into student social networking pages to help evaluate them as an applicant to a university .  Of the 9%, 33% of the students were negatively impacted and 31% were positively impacted by the review.

Although my three kids are in Pre-K and elementary school, they are beginning their affection with mobile and the Internet.  My wife and I do our best to facilitate our children’s digital experiences with an appropriate level of parental supervision and involvement so they understand online social manners.  More specifically, what is appropriate, what is not, how to navigate challenging situations, as well as the implications of abuse.  If you look hard enough you will find lots of doomsday advice about how terrible social media is for kids.  Alternatively, I contend that online-safety conversations with your kids should be handled the same way conversations are handled about sex, drugs, or any other adolescent issues that require strict boundaries.  I choose an open and honest parental approach with my kids that includes rules, responsibility, and accountability.

Another critical point to mention – if not for college admissions today, surely companies are currently scanning social media profiles to evaluate prospective employees.  Thanks to Google, what is posted on the Internet likely lives online in perpetuity.  Last thing you or your children want is to get rejected for a great internship or job due to provocative Facebook postings from years ago that still exist on their respective profiles.

That said, I wanted to use this opportunity to share some of my tips about teaching your kids online social manners. Some of these manners are based upon Microsoft’s Online Kids Safety Policy created in conjunction with the American Academy of Pediatrics.

1. Start Young – Many folks decide to wait until their kids get older to shield them from the dangers of social media.  I don’t agree.  I contend that once kids begin to use and learn about computers in school, and generate interest, nurture those skills in an engaged and appropriate way.  It doesn’t mean throw your kids on Facebook at 7 years old, rather encourage them to participate in age-appropriate online environments.  There are several social networks for kids, including Webkinz, Club Penguin, Whyville, and one that caters to children as young as five – KidSwirl.  Remember, Facebook and Myspace require your kids to be 13 years old to use the site.  However, age verification is laughable as many younger kids just claim to be older.  Another key benefit I’ve noticed with my kids (while they are still young) is that they are the more engaged with spending Daddy time together, rather than older kids that tend to push for more independence and time with their friends.
2. Setup the computer your kids use in an open, public location in the house. In other words, no computer use in bedrooms, basements, or a hidden office.  This allows the opportunity for you to physically monitor, and participate in, their online activities.  We like the concept of “screen” time (TV, computer, DS, etc.) and “screen-free” time where kids can read, play board/card games, ride bikes, etc.
3. Work with your kids to create a rules list for computer use with pre-defined and agreed-upon consequences for abuse.  This seems hokey, yet it allows your kids to actively participate in, and be responsible for, defining what is appropriate, and what they lose if they abuse the rules.  I suggest steep consequence as that works well in our house  The rules should include when they can use the computer, taking turns with siblings/friends, what information is allowed to be shared, etc.
4. Help your kids sign-up and create their profiles on the social media sites you feel are appropriate for their age.  This is most important as spending time with your kids, explaining the details of a social media profile, is critical.  This should include role paying so you can describe situations your kids should avoid or be conscious of.  Some examples include: who to become friends with online, referring to the rules list in #2 above – items they can enjoy with their online friends, and what not to share publicly (name, address, phone#, etc.)
5. Review online ethical behavior with your kids.  In my humble opinion, much of kids abuse of the Internet relates to unethical behavior.  Spending some time with your kids, helping them to understand the feelings associated with gossip, cyber-bullying, inappropriate pictures, etc. is super important.
6. No downloading of anything. There are many enticing opportunities for free music, pictures, video, etc. where a software download is required.  My suggestion is to setup “limited” user accounts for your kids whereby they can be restricted from downloading or visiting specific sites.  However, parents must make sure their kids login to the Windows or Mac computer with the kids “limited” account login, rather than the parent login.
7. No online purchasing without a parents direct involvement. No credit cards or online banking when they are young.
8. Never, never, never plan to meet someone they only met online.
9. No online gambling – ever. It’s illegal.
10. Have fun with it. Play games, watch videos, learn.  It can be a great experience that you share together with your kids.